Be Better at Dating – Top 6 Dating Tips

Dating Tips

Dating – it’s such an interesting phenomenon. Does this happen to you? Feast or famine? It’s always the same – I got nada goin’ on or I got a lotta goin’ on. It’s never really just a steady, consistent thing. Okay, enough about that. I’ve got the top 6 dating tips (or at least what I think are the top dating tips) for you. I’ve read a few (or more than a few) books, articles, blog posts, talks, etc. on dating – cause, ya know, I’m single and am interested in becoming non-single. 🙂 Clearly I don’t have this ‘getting married’ thing figured out yet, but I’ve had quite a bit of experience in the dating arena, so I thought I’d share some tips I’ve learned along the way. 

Dating Tip #1 – Be Confident

Confidence is the most attractive thing a guy or girl can have. It’s definitely different than cocky; I always say I’m looking for someone confident, but not cocky. Cockiness eludes an air of insecurity – it’s like the song goes ‘too school for cool’…. I’m too good to talk to you because I’m so cool, but deep down the person is thinking, ‘I can’t let them know I have faults, so I’ll keep my distance.’ Confidence, on the other hand, shows you’ve embraced who you are and would be willing to improve yourself. You’re comfortable enough to know that you’re not perfect, but realize that you still have a lot to offer. We ALL have strengths and weaknesses, it’s knowing how to embrace your strengths while working to improve your weaknesses.

It’s so attractive when a guy has the confidence to approach me, whether it’s at the gas station, a party or wherever and give me a sincere compliment or a friendly hello. There’s been guys that I normally wouldn’t have given a second glance, but if they have that air of confidence, I’m definitely more likely to give them a go. For example, I was getting gas at Costco and the worker comes over to me and asks me if I have a Costco credit card. I say, ‘No and I’m not really interested.’ He says something to the effect of that he doesn’t really want to sell me the credit card and chats with me for a little bit asking questions and eventually says he thinks I’m really fun and would like to take me out. I told him yes. I wouldn’t have even noticed the Costco worker, but he had confidence in approaching me, so I gave him credit.

Dating Tip #2 – Be Yourself

There’s no need to put on a show. Yes, I think you should put your best foot forward, so to speak, but there’s no need to try to be someone you’re not.

It’s not always easy to be yourself, so here’s some ways to help you.

Talk about something you love, something you’re passionate about. This provides authenticity on who you are and people are at their best when discussing something they love. I know when a guy is sharing what he’s passionate about, I just love it. I can see the excitement in his eyes and can get a better feel for who he really is.

Embrace who you are. Accept if you make a mistake and move on. I remember when one a previous co-worker and I were having lunch and she spilled her sandwich on her shirt; she just picked up piece, looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and ate it. I thought, yep, she just embraced that and moved on. We all make mistakes and get nervous sometimes, so just accept it; no need to worry about it.

Be aware of certain strategies you may use on dates, or when you get nervous, that keeps you distant from others. Slowly start to break these down as you go on dates. Think of how you interact with your friends and what you may be doing differently on dates that could be holding you back. Maybe talk more (or less) about the opinions you have. Maybe open up more about your past or show your emotions more (or less).

Take some time to figure out who you really are and how you can best express that with others.

Dating Tip  #3 – Be Honest

This one seems to be tricky for girls. If a girl doesn’t want to go out with a guy again (or to begin with), I say, just be honest and tell the guy. (Tell me if I’m wrong, guys.) When a girl, or guy, says, I’m busy, it’s like leaving some type of false hope for the other person. Just let them know you’re flattered, but not interested or not ‘feeling it.’  It stops you from having to avoid phone calls, text messages or avoid seeing them in person, or best of all, lying. Honesty isn’t the best policy, it’s the only policy.

Just to be clear, there’s a way to have tact when being honest, no need to be brutally honest. I was in the grocery store awhile ago, deciding which yogurt to get (very important) and a guy stands next to me and asks me which one I’d recommend. I saw him later down another aisle and he asked if I was willing to give my phone number out. I said, while smiling, ‘I’m flattered, but I’m not right now.’ He said that was the nicest rejection he’s ever received. I could have lied and given him a fake number or given him my actual number, but never returned his call. I chose to be honest and he seemed to appreciate it and I felt good about it.

I’ve had quite a few guys say, “I’ll call you,” and they’ve never called. (Girls, I’m sure you’ve heard that a time or two as well.) Guys, if you’re not really interested, don’t say, “I’ll call you.” All you need to say is something along the lines of, “Thanks for going out with me, I appreciate it.” Don’t feel pressure to say you’ll call when you’re not really going to call. If you intend to call, but meet the girl of your dreams the next day and never call, okay, sure, life happens. But if you don’t intend to call, just leave it out of the conversation. It’ll keep the girl from waiting for your call with a false hope (and telling her friends you’re a liar) and you won’t have to feel guilty for not calling.

Also, being honest once you are actually dating someone is important as well. Eventually the truth will come out, so be upfront and honest, it’s so much easier for the both of you.

Dating Tip #4 – Learn Something from Everyone you Date

Sometimes we don’t want to be on a date with other person; we’ve all been there. Sitting at dinner, thinking, how much longer will this last, can’t he/she eat any faster. Well, we may not wanting to be dating that person, but pretty sure we can find something to learn.

Sometimes it may just be, well, I learned that I for sure know I don’t want someone that does ‘xyz.’ But we can also spin that and think, wow, I think I may do ‘xyz’ sometimes and that is super annoying, I can do better. For example, I had this date where the guy said the word awesome more times than I can count (and I can count pretty high), even when I was telling him something sad that happened, he said ‘awesome’ afterward, then realizing what he’d done, he said, ‘I mean not awesome, that’s sad.’ I just thought, I wonder if there’s a word I say too much that I can remove from my vocabulary.

It’s all about your attitude, so make sure you’re learning something from everyone that you go out with to become even better for your next date.

Dating Tip #5 – Be Nice

You’ve agreed to go out (or done the asking out), so make sure the other person is having the best time possible. Give compliments, guys like those and so do girls. I remember this date I had where I opened the door and invited him in while I grabbed my coat and he immediately told me I looked great and gave me a big hug, picked me up and spun me around. I thought it was so cute; he just seemed so excited to be going out with me and it just started the date off on the right foot. It doesn’t have to be a hug spin; it can be something as simple as, ‘nice shoes’ or ‘nice car.’ (PS-Girls, if you don’t already know this, guys usually clean their cars before they come to get you, so compliment them on how clean their car is (I mean if it really is clean…).) Being polite and respectful goes for both parties and to those you interact with. (PS-Guys, if you are getting the door for the girl when getting out of the car, tell the girl you’re getting her door so she knows to wait.)

If you didn’t want to go on the date, but said, ‘yes,’ then it’s your own fault and not the other person’s fault, so don’t make them have a miserable time because of your mistake. Just enjoy it and have the best attitude possible. Who knows, you may end up liking them after the date…And if not, at least you gave them a great night!

Dating Tip #6 – Ask Questions AND Let Them Answer

This is a two part tip. One is to ask questions and the other is to actually let the person answer and listen to what they are saying. I guess it’s a 3 part tip: 1) Ask questions 2) Let the person answer 3) Listen to the answers. Difficult, right? People always want to do the talking, but listening is the more important part.

Without questions there is a one sided conversation going on and it’s no fun for the one asking all the questions. Asking questions is especially important in online dating. There’s been many times a guy has messaged me and not asked a question.

A message saying, ‘Hey,’ doesn’t do much. I get you may just be trying to get a feel if the other person will respond, but at least ask, ‘How’s your week going?’ or ‘How’s your Monday been?’ or ‘How was your weekend?’ If you want to go a couple steps further, adding the person’s name & a compliment in there is great. For example, ‘Hey Tiffany, love that picture of you in the Grand Canyon, you look like you’re having a great time. Where else have you traveled?’ See how much more engaging that is than, ‘Hey.’

Even in person, starting the date out by saying their name and offering a compliment just breaks the ice and relaxes people. There’s something to be said about the power of saying someone’s name. I’ve gone out with guys that haven’t said my name once on the date and the whole time I’m just thinking, ‘Does he even remember my name?’ Alright, I’m getting sidetracked. So ask engaging questions, like ones that start with how, where, when, why, and what. Not questions that require a just a yes or no answer. If you do ask yes or no questions then be prepared to ask a follow up question, like ‘Why do you feel that way?’ Or ‘How does that make you feel?’

When you’re asking questions, make sure you wait for them to answer and finish their answer, no one likes to be cut off – if they are cut off, they’ll most likely shut down. (Or maybe that’s just me.)

Try not to just be thinking of the next thing you want to say, actually listen to what they’re saying and come up with a reply based on what they’ve said, not just trying to one up them or to make yourself look good. It’s nice when people are genuinely interested in what you have to say.

Hopefully these tips will help you to become better at dating, or even just better at interacting with others. What dating tips have you found that work? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

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